Relationship Co-Dependency
Background: The beginning of a relationship can be tricky to navigate. It’s exciting hanging out with someone new, but you don’t want to come off as clingy or possessive. Sometimes you don’t mean to, and you just can’t help it. And while this can be a bad thing, both relationship-wise and mental health-wise, it has become one of my favorite things to explore in song form. I have been on both sides of the codependency, and it’s fascinating to see it when someone else acts that way toward you, because you can’t always see it in yourself. So the songs we are going to look at in this blog explore that theme. With this coming out right around Valentine’s, I hope this helps you feel a little less alone, and helps inspire your own writing about this topic, even if it might be painful. Also, as always, since it’s an interesting topic to explore, maybe you’ll create a character who’s codependent, if it doesn’t apply to your own life!
“Honeydew” by Madaline Collins
Lyrically: Memphis’ own Madaline Collins wrote this song while in a relationship with someone she clung to, knowing if she just had him in her life, everything was going to be okay. She says throughout that she can be his “Rock n Roll Baby.” With that comparison, this song at first sounded to me like something along the lines of “Into the Great Wide Open” by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. But the contrast is stark, in that the narrator in Madaline’s song is her constant begging for him to “Hold Onto Her,” and using the “Rock n’ Roll Baby'' metaphor for how he “rocks (her) soul” and comparing their relationship, which will be one for the ages, to a famous rock band, whose name everyone knows. Madaline said she’d had many people leave her, in “cold ways,” as she put it, and feeling safe and comfortable within this particular relationship brought out the aforementioned codependency. Like all of Madaline’s songs, it’s a hauntingly gorgeous set of lyrics.
Melodically: Speaking of being hauntingly gorgeous, “Honeydew'' is backed by only a piano and Madaline’s vocals. I think that every song has at least one thing that works, and sometimes it’s not all three (the lyrics, the melody, and the structure), sometimes the melody is rather forgettable, while the lyrics are incredible and the structure is perfect for the story being told. But this is one of those songs where the melody complements the lyrics in the best way possible. Madaline has an incredible voice, but sometimes people with incredible voices can over-sing just because they can, even if it doesn’t fit the song. Yet the barebones melody allows Madaline’s voice to shine through and more importantly, get the heartache across to the listener in the best way possible. Chord-wise, she uses Am, Adim, F, and D in the verses, with the chorus using Am, G, and F. With the song written in A minor, this is a i, idim, VI, IV pattern in the verses and a i, bVII, IV pattern in the chorus. The moroseness of the verses with the i and IV are complemented so nicely by the idim and VI chords in the middle, which creates both melodic and thematic tension (with what she plays, what she sings, and how she sings it), and this gets taken even higher as she goes down to the VII chord in the chorus, before bringing it back down to the root (i) chord. It’s not only something that has worked in many songs before it, it works exceptionally well, given the theme of this song–the desire for protection and security, and the melody matches that predictability, while being taken to new heights previously unknown in a relationship.
Structurally: The song follows a verse, chorus, verse, chorus, solo, verse format. I mentioned earlier the importance (but difficulty) of making a compelling melody, interesting lyrics, and putting them all in the right place within your song. As I said earlier, when talking about powerhouse vocalists, there can be a tendency to over-sing. But the balance between the calmer, lower verses and the more intense, higher choruses works so well, given where they are in the song. It’s also a fascinating artistic choice to go back into a verse after the solo. Because a solo usually tends to be a booming statement–and this one is. And I’ve mentioned my disdain for doing an a cappella chorus after a solo, as it kills the momentum you had coming out of it. But in “Honeydew (Rock n Roll Baby),” the choice to go back to the verse, therefore ending on a minor chord, is so perfect for the song.Honey, do listen to this song. It’s embedded below.
2. “Logical” by Olivia Rodrigo
Lyrically: In case you haven’t noticed, Olivia Rodrigo is one of my favorite songwriters. Her material gets at more than just relationships, also talking about the mental health behind the ups and downs of those relationships. To me, “Logical” is a phenomenally relatable codependency song. When you’re with someone who’s not good for you, you try so hard to still see the good in them. And as a result, you start justifying the way they mistreat you. In “Logical,” she justifies his toxicity by saying in the chorus that “If rain don’t pour and sun don’t shine, then changing you is possible, love is never logical.” In the bridge, she continues on with the justifications: “The sky is green, the grass is red, and you mean all those words you said. I’m sure that girl is really your friend. ‘Cause loving you is loving every argument you held over my head.” In my opinion, bridges are a lost art in pop music, but Olivia always knocks it out of the park when she has one, going for the gut punch.
Now in order to get to the co-dependency of this relationship, we have to infer that the narrator in this story is afraid of being alone. We can do that here, because she immediately calls him a “Master manipulator,” in the first line of the song, and later in that verse calls him a savior, then says, “I went through hell for you.” Needing someone to fill the void, even though it’s mostly toxic, is a sure sign of codependency within a relationship. Add the self-awareness and regret in there and you’ve got yourself one of the most heart-wrenching songs you’ll ever hear. I mentioned in my excerpt about Olivia’s song “Driver's License” that she wrote all the material on her debut album solely with producer Dan Nigro (minus interpolations). Her sophomore effort does the same, but “Logical” was co-written with Nigro and Julia Michaels. Los Angeles writers rooms can get pretty crowded, but I think there should be a law that this trio has to collaborate at least once an album cycle–because this song is just so good!
Melodically: The song is written in G. The intro starts off on the G, with a D coming in quickie as a passing chord, before switching to a vi and V progression of Em and D. The verses follow this same pattern, but end on C and D, G, D, G, D (a IV, V, I, V, I, V). The last line of each verse stays on the G until she sings, “Thinkin’,” at which point she goes back to the D. The bridge uses a similar pattern to the verses: G, D, G, D, Em, but then goes to D, Em (played twice), followed by D and C. This is a I, V, I, V, vi, V, vi, V, IV pattern. The ending (which I normally don’t focus on, but contains lyrics too), uses G, Em, C, G, Em, C, and G. The chords cut out (appropriately) when she says “Stop it all.” Instrumentally, the song is backed with piano, and acoustic guitar (which comes in during the second chorus).
Structurally: The song uses a verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus, ending format. Even though it’s a tactic used by writers to keep the listener’s attention at the end, I’m not always a huge fan of not finishing a phrase that you’re singing. For example, listen to the last choruses of “I Love Rock n Roll.” It’s obnoxious to me that she doesn’t just say, “Dance with me” each time, because that’s not how a conversation would happen. But in “Logical,” she uses this same tactic transitioning from the chorus to the bridge. She spends the whole time saying what love isn’t (logical), but it isn’t until the bridge when she concludes that love must be all the manipulative things he did to her. Having this switch in the bridge (which she’s spectacular at writing), is such a good choice. Then the ending is the final gut punch, where she deems herself “Half responsible.” Usually I try to distinguish between good songwriters and good song crafters, but Olivia is the rare pop writer who can be heart-wrenchingly compelling and have everything come together perfectly when it comes to the structure of the song as well.
For the record, I would never gaslight someone into thinking 2+2=5. But I’m just bad enough at math to actually think it’s true! “Logical” is embedded below.
3. “Vice” by Miranda Lambert
Lyrically: “Vice” was the first single off Miranda Lambert’s double album, The Weight of These Wings, which, in turn, was inspired by her divorce from Blake Shelton. In it, she talks about the various one night stands she’s been having. She compares the start of the relationship to “a needle dropping on the vinyl,” and all the records are songs about heartbreak. Prior to the first chorus, she says that “When it hurts so good you gotta play it twice.” She then says it’s “another vice” and “another bed (she) shouldn’t crawl out of.” But the co-dependency comes in when she says, “I know I’ll be back tomorrow night.”
Melodically: The song is written in the key of A, and is played with the capo on the 2nd fret. The guitar, however, does not kick in until she sings, “Another vice” at the end of the first verse. Before it does, a vinyl scratch can be heard in the background.
Once the guitar kicks in (along with the drums), she plays A, F#m, Bm, and D (a I, vi, ii, IV pattern). The chorus uses A, E, F#m, and D, played four times, before ending on an A. This is a I, V, vi, I pattern. The ending uses A, F#m, Bm, and D (a I, vi, ii, IV pattern), before ending on A, E, F#m, and D (the I, V, vi, IV, I pattern), which gets played seven times (while repeating the phrase “Another vice”). In addition to the aforementioned drums and guitar, there is also violin.
Structurally: The song uses a verse, chorus, verse, chorus, solo, half verse, ending format. I always say that great songwriters know the moment. Just because one structure works for one song does not mean it will work for another. The whole point of “Vice” is the lack of closure. It’s her making the same mistakes over and over. Had there been some sort of change within her, her finally finding the non-one night stand she could build a life with, a full verse would have been necessary. But not even being able to get through a full one, because it’s just more of the same, is absolutely perfect for this song.
4. “Stay” by Sugarland
Lyrically: There are a bunch of different songs called “Stay,” which have the potential to make the topics of all of them repeat. But this particular one is one of my favorites, as there is a lot of depth to the title. It begins by discussing an abusive relationship, with the narrator revealed to be the mistress of the man in question. She doesn’t say it explicitly, but the narrator says she’s “praying she won’t call.” The end of the first verse reveals, though, that she can’t wait for the next time she gets to see him, asking, “What do I have to do to make you see she can’t love you like me?” Then the chorus sees her begging for him to stay, because she’s “so tired of bein’ lonely.”
In thinking about this blog, I thought about the song “More Like Her” by Miranda Lambert (which was released as a single about a year after the Sugarland song), but from the start, “More Like Her” sees the narrator saying, “I guess I should have been more like her,” in other words, she should have taken him back the way she did, but she’s stronger than that.
Rather than being the premise of the whole song, the way it is in “More Like Her,” this is the twist at the end of the Sugarland song. At the end of the bridge, she sings, “So the next time you find you want to leave her bed for mine…” then transitions into the final chorus, saying, “Why don’t you stay?”
Melodically: Most of the song contains only guitar (and with the desperation of the lyrics, this is incredibly fitting), with an organ added during the pre-chorus and chorus. It is written in the key of E, (recorded with the capo on the 2nd fret). The verses start off by alternating between E and B (I, V pattern that gets played twice), followed by F#m, A, E, and B. This ii, IV, I, V pattern also gets repeated twice. The pre-chorus uses F#m and A, followed by F#m, A, and B (a ii, IV, ii, IV, V pattern). The chorus then uses E, A, E, F#m, B, Cdim, C#m, B, A, E, F#m, A, B, and E (a I, IV, I, ii, V, ♭vi, vi, V, IV, I, ii, IV, V, I pattern).
Structurally: The song uses a verse, pre-chorus, chorus, verse, pre-chorus, chorus, bridge, chorus format. Songs like this are the reason I love breaking down song structure. Not only does the pre-chorus change every time to give some new information (without the necessity of another verse), but the bridge does the same thing. There are many songs that have pre-choruses and use the pre-chorus in lieu of a bridge, but the bridge in this song sets up the final payoff. Taking it out would eliminate the two most important parts of the song. Bridges are supposed to elevate the song to another place, and this one does that fabulously. In a previous blog, Twist and Shout, we talked about Vertical Horizon’s “Everything You Want” and how the bridge transitions out into the final payoff chorus. That’s what first got me paying attention to that type of structure, and “Stay” does that equally well.
“Stay” is embedded below.
Closing Note: I view my own writing about relationships as a journey of ups and downs. Sometimes you’ll be feeling more lonely than others, and won’t have the emotional strength to say no to temporary void fillers (even if you don’t see them that way in the moment). So the order of these songs about codependency goes from people who aren’t in a position to stand up for themselves, to someone who eventually is. All are equally as important to write about.
